Guest blog by JonMitchell
Christmas is a magical, but often stressful time, a unique moment in our yearly calendar where Britain practically comes to a standstill for a couple of weeks. The excitement (and pressure) starts building as early as November, and many of us feel weighed down by expectations — both our own and others’.
For most of us growing up in the UK, Christmas is about family, traditions, togetherness, and the ritual of gift-giving. We each carry our own unique vision of what a “perfect” Christmas should look like, often shaped by childhood memories. But here’s the thing: what we expect from Christmas can sometimes set us up for disappointment. We all want the holiday to go “just right,” but those high expectations can easily leave us stressed or even disheartened if things don’t go as planned.
Managing Expectations
So, how can we keep Christmas happy without losing our cool? It’s all about managing expectations—easier said than done, right?
Step one is simply recognising that we have these expectations. Whether we acknowledge it or not, they can strongly influence how we feel and act, and they often put pressure on the people around us too. Let’s imagine a common scenario: you’re a parent of three children aged 9, 11 & 15 years old. You have a partner, in-laws, extended family, and friends to think about. Each person has their own hopes for the holiday, but the only expectations you can truly control are your own. So, understanding what you expect, and keeping others’ expectations in mind, can make a big difference in how you navigate the season.
Emotional and Cognitive Imagery
The idea of a “perfect Christmas” isn’t just logical; it’s also deeply emotional. Our emotional responses shape how we see and respond to Christmas, which can be both magical and challenging. As a therapist, I often see people grappling with heightened emotions during the holidays.
One helpful tool is the Circle of Concern vs. Circle of Control. This framework, popularised by Stephen Covey, can help you sort your worries. You can see a visual explanation here: Circle of Concern vs. Circle of Control.
To summarise, here’s how it works:
- Circle of Control: What you can directly control—your actions, words, and thoughts.
- Circle of Influence: Things you can affect but not control.
- Circle of Concern: Things you care about but have no control over.
Spending quality time with loved ones may fall into your Circle of Concern or Influence but might not always be in your Circle of Control. Accepting this can help prevent frustration, and remember, if you find it tough to unpack your emotions, a therapist can provide valuable guidance.
Wrapping It Up
Christmas is a time to connect with the people who matter most to us, but it’s also a season when high expectations can lead to stress. By recognising our expectations and using frameworks like the Window of Tolerance and the Circle of Control, we can keep our emotions in check and focus on what truly matters.
Wishing you all a peaceful and meaningful Christmas, filled with connection, warmth, and realistic expectations.
Jon Mitchell is an Integrative Psychotherapist and Counsellor
If you would like to talk to anyone about the issues raised in this blog click here to find a therapist in Chiswick .