The holiday season is often associated with excitement and joy, but it can also be a difficult time for many, bringing about feelings of loneliness, depression and overwhelm. In fact, a quarter of people surveyed state that Christmas makes their mental health worse and over half feel worried about the mental health of someone they know at Christmas time¹.
Below, Dr Lisa Cotter, Integrative Psychotherapist and Counsellor at The Greenhouse Therapy rooms, identifies some helpful tips to managing difficult feelings over the holiday period:
1. Saying no to things you don’t want to do
Having boundaries around your personal wants and needs can feel difficult at times, especially if you have a tendency to people-please or de-prioritise yourself. The festive season can quickly get hijacked by what you think you should be doing, rather than what you want to be doing, which can lead to an over-commitment of your time, energy and resources. This can quickly become overwhelming and exhausting and lead to feelings of resentment and disconnect from your needs.
If you find it difficult to say ‘no’, try practicing a short pause before acting on the request – this can create a space to respond, rather than react and can allow time to really consider what is being asked of you. If the feeling of dread washes over you when asked to go for festive drinks, or feelings of resentment creep in when a family member asks you to travel for the holidays, try taking a moment to reflect on what is happening in your body, and what these feelings or sensations might be signalling to you about your needs. Furthermore, taking pause to notice and be curious about your feelings and sensations can help activate your prefrontal cortex – the part of your brain responsible for self-reflection, self-regulation, decision making and planning. The very act of noticing and being curious, without judgement or interpretation, can help calm your nervous system, and help you avoid falling into old ways of thinking and old patterns of behaviour that don’t serve you in the present day.
Using ‘I-statements’ can be a good way to communicate a boundary as it reduces the likelihood of defensiveness in the listener e.g. “I feel overwhelmed at the thought of travelling and I really want to enjoy my break, so I need to stay home this year”.
Remember: Take pause to consider what a meaningful holiday season looks like for you and how the decisions you are making align with your personal values, needs and wishes now.
*if you are a carer and have commitments to uphold which do not permit saying ‘no’, setting small boundaries for yourself where possible can create a sense of agency e.g. “I will tend to that person’s needs, and then I will do ‘x’ for myself”.
2.Take a social media break
Comparing your life with others, especially during the holiday season, can make you feel as though you aren’t doing enough, enjoying yourself enough, and perhaps that you aren’t enough. Even if you know these snapshots of people’s lives don’t represent the whole picture, it can still turn what would be enjoyable moments – a lazy Sunday watching festive movies, or a crisp morning walk in the park – into moments of comparison. Not only can this invite feelings of unfulfillment, guilt, loneliness and self-criticism, but it can take away from truly enjoying what is in front of you and create disconnect from your personal values.
Taking a break from social media (and phones in general) can help you to be more present and creates space to do things that align with your needs, whilst reducing those ‘compare and despair’ moments.
Like anything that we stop doing suddenly, it can create a sense of withdrawal when taken away, so try working towards it gradually – reducing your usage slowly until you feel able to have a few days’ break completely over the holiday period.
Remember: People might be posting online because they feel guilty, unhappy or disconnected themselves.
3.Embrace a holistic approach to your wellbeing
If you are a parent to young children, a carer, or perhaps a people-pleaser in general, the holiday season can quickly become all about other people, often at the expense of your own wellbeing. Whilst it is okay to take time and energy to celebrate those you love, this can also be a time to celebrate yourself and nurture your own needs, both physically and emotionally. Here are a few simple pointers that can increase your sense of wellness and promote a more balanced holiday season:
- Get outside every day if you are able to, preferably in nature. Spending time in nature has been shown to ease symptoms of depression and fatigue, and lower stress and anxiety levels. Spending time in nature can help us feel connected to the wider world which can increase our sense of happiness and contentment and reduce feelings of isolation, which can be especially prevalent during the holiday season. Even just having a view of nature out of a window has been shown to have beneficial effects on physical and emotional wellbeing.
- Be mindful of old, unhealthy dynamics that can surface when spending time with family during the holidays. If you’re in an environment that feels particularly triggering for you, practice nervous system regulation to promote feelings of calm and safety in your body:
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- If you’re feeling anxious, overwhelmed and on edge, 4-7-8 breathing (inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds) can be a useful tool to have at your disposal. Place your feet flat on the ground, while holding your right hand over your heart and repeat 4-7-8 breathing three times to help down-regulate your nervous system and increase feelings of emotional wellbeing.
- If you’re feeling depressed, fatigued and ‘shut down’, adding movement (dancing, exercise) or something creative (arts and crafts, baking) can increase energy and focus and help to up-regulate your nervous system.
- Repetition of these practices can help to gradually strengthen your nervous system’s capacity to manage stress more effectively and remain in a more optimal state of arousal, reducing reactivity and feelings of distress2.
- Create a new tradition – something financially feasible that will bring you joy and can make you feel connected to your values and the people you chose to share it with. This could be as simple as making cookies that you share with neighbours, hot chocolates with friends, starting a jigsaw puzzle or maybe something that helps you honour a loved one that has passed. Nostalgia can help when you’re feeling down or lonely and increases sense of meaning3,4, so incorporating traditions can promote an overall sense of wellbeing during the holiday season for years to come.*
*Whilst traditions can bring nostalgia and joy, give yourself permission to let go of traditions that don’t serve you anymore or create an added burden and stress to the holiday season.
Remember: Your physical and emotional wellbeing are important too!
References:
- Nolsoe, E. (2019) How does Christmas impact people’s mental health?, YouGov. (Accessed: 17 October 2024).
- Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006). Trauma and the body: A sensorimotor approach to psychotherapy.W. W. Norton & Company.
- Abeyta, A. A., Routledge, C., Kaslon, S. (2020). Combating Loneliness With Nostalgia: Nostalgic Feelings Attenuate Negative Thoughts and Motivations Associated With Loneliness. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 1-15.
- Tilburg, W. A. v., Sedikides, C., & Vingerhoets, A. (2018). How nostalgia infuses life with meaning: from social connectedness to self‐continuity. European Journal of Social Psychology, 49(3), 521-532.
Dr Lisa Cotter, Integrative Psychotherapist and Counsellor at The Greenhouse Therapy rooms